an email from my mother

This is pretty funny. My mother sent me an email about her having to watch this terrible movie with my dad. I asked her why, and this is what she wrote back.
der film ist schrecklich außerdem ist es eine raubkopie und wir müssen dann sowieso in das gefängnis. aber papa hat außerdem noch stubenarrest, wenn du wüßtes was der sich mit seinen trinkerfreunden geleistet hat , er ist irgendwann samstag morgen nach hause gekommen und hat mir zur wiedergutmachung eine dose fisch geschenkt. das war der trostpreis, weil er der schlechteste spieler des abends oder besser der nacht war. jetzt darf er die nächsten wochen nicht mehr gehen vor allem nicht kurz bevor du kommst. sonst können wir dich noch nicht mal vom flughafen abholen. ich muß papa umbedingt wieder zum marathon anmelden, damit mal alees wieder normal läuft oder besser noch zum ultramarathon
in liebe mama
Now, let me translate.
The movie is terrible, plus it's a stolen copy. So we'll probably have to go to prison for it. But that doesn't matter much to your father since he's grounded anyways. You should have seen what he did last Friday with his card playing drinking buddies. He came back home Saturday morning (let it be said that my father starts playing cards Friday at 5pm) and woke me up with can of fish. Apparently that was the prize he got for being the worst player of the evening - and morning. Now he's not allowed to go play cards anymore for the next weeks. Especially not before you arrive. Otherwise he won't be able to pick you up from the airport. I really need to register your dad for another marathon, better yet an ultramarathon (it should be noted that my mother has a history of registering my father for long-distance races to stimulate his weight loss). Love, Mom