light

light

Usually I am not one to be emotional in my blog entries. But today might be an exception. It’s going to be short, but probably will say a lot. 4 months ago I moved to California. Well, the last 4 months have probably been my hardest ones yet. At no point was I in danger of harming myself nor did I ever doubt that some day things will be better again. But I was not able to get myself excited about anything. And usually, it takes me about 3 days to get completely and absolutey accustomed to a new environment.  This time it was different. Los Angeles seemed to be a bad place and I didn’t enjoy any of my favorite activities. Soccer and lifting quickly became nothing more than just incovenient occurences. I tried to find new things that might get me excited. I started playing golf, am taking a comedy class and for heaven’s sake…I even tried Yoga. In terms of my career, I am more successful than I could have ever dreamt of being. But I didn’t care. Something was missing. And it was something that I must have encountered when being in Seattle. No move has ever been harder on me. No city has ever felt colder. People never seemed this unfriendly before. And I have never been this annoyed by sunshine.

Well, I think I figured out what the missing link was.  I learnt my lesson when stepping of the plane coming from Los Angeles. For the first time, I appreciated the weather in LA. I walked by the airport security personnel and I smiled at them. And they smiled back. Today I went to the gym. And I can’t wait to go back tomorrow.

What did this to me? Or more accurately, who did this?  It was Natilee. She was the missing link. In a way, I think I tried to push her out of my life, as I just didn’t see how I could ever live so far away from her and still have the two of us be happy. Now I know that no matter how far away we are from each other,  we cannot disregard the fact that the two of us exist. And that ignoring the connection we have to each other is the direct path to unhappiness.

Natilee and I still live far away from each other. Physically our distance might be far. But emotionally, we are closer than one could ever think. That is something, I am never going to ignore again.